I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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