I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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