the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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