The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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