I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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