Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
