Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
