I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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