If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
