Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
