dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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