i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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