so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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