How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
