reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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