everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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