Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
