just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
