I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
