Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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