Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
