i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
