I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
