I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This baby is an asshole
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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