Swine flu. Run for my life!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
