I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
