NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
