had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
