I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
