Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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