You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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