I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
