I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
