That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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