why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
