You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
