i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
