now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Your dad touched me again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
