I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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