Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
