he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
