i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
