So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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