i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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