im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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