Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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