Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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