Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
