yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
