I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
