Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I love you. Go after that dick
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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