i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
