Michael Bay diarrhea
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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