How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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